The Fear of Going Home

In my ten years of stay abroad, it was disheartening to know that almost all of the Kababayans* who are there are afraid to go home - for good.  No one will admit it face blank, but that is what his or her words are saying.  The common words will be, "In two more years,” “In four more years,” or, “I'll go home once I could saved enough to put up a little business."  On my part, I said, “In four years, I should be home!”

Life there is not a joke.  It is a real struggle day by day.  As I watch my friends and the others, I saw how much they value their time.  On days they were supposed to rest, they will use that to go to part time jobs to earn more dollars to send home.  I myself had to go in different places to give massage treatment, massage relaxation, to customers who called me for my service.

In my first year, I thought it was peanuts, that in a couple of years, all my dreams will be achieved, but, like the others who went there first, I was dead wrong. Ten years gone and I was still struggling to earn more. 

Because Israel allows only a limited years of stay for foreign workers, in the 3rd year, most if not all kababayan start to worry about looking for a place or another country to go into before their time is up.  The reason was that they had not achieved their dreams yet. Their savings, if they have, was not enough to carry them through, especially when they have children in college.

Thinking about all the unachieved goals and stream of unending expenses ahead, makes each one of us cringe to think about going home yet. 

The scream of being with our children and families is being overcome by the fear of not being able to give them their needs, and the fear that we do not have a business or any other source of income to sustain us. 

Add to that the news brought by kabayans(countrymen) who just arrived from a vacation to our beloved country-Philippines.  That life in there is terrible.  Business is not doing well.  The prices of goods now doubled compared to the prices when you left two or three years ago.  The government officials are all corrupt.  There are no jobs, and if there is one, the pay is not even enough to pay for your bills, and pay for the travel from home to work. These news and more negative things about our beloved country always make us think, not twice, but a thousand and one times about going home.

Fear gripped us, because we know for a fact that most ex- abroad who tried to settle home after long years of being away, went back abroad just after a year of staying home because of one or all of the reasons stated above.  In fact, I am contemplating to do the same and break my words of not going away from home again.

Every OFW wants to go home. But the dilemma of where to find the next source of income is too much to think about, so they rather make the most of their time while they have the chance and health to work for “a few” more years.