Showing posts with label Home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Home. Show all posts
Saturday, November 3, 2012
I Am A Father
I felt bad after penalizing my two teenage sons by hitting
them both, on their buttocks and thighs, three times each with the handle of a Baguio
made soft-broom. I felt bad that I hurt
them instead of talking to them for the bad effect of their wrong doings.
The reason
for the punishment was they did not give back a complete change left from the
money they used to buy materials their grandmother asked them to purchase at the
hardware store; instead, they gave back
less than half of it.
I got angry
because it was not the first time they did it.
They got
used to the idea of not giving back loose change back when they were only
little kids. They were asked to buy
something at the small store at the neighboring house, and when there were
small loose coins, it was given to them to buy candies, as their price for
being good and not lazy, and as their motivation to follow what was requested
for them to do. However, the good thing
went out of hands. As they were growing
up, they learned to just kept loose change, even when they were not told to do
so, until those loose coins, became paper bills with significant amount. Amounts, which are worrisome because it makes
you worried next time, you’ll again ask them to buy things, you can’t trust to
get all the change you expect to have.
They were
told many times to give back change, especially, big amounts. They were told they could spend loose coins
but not hundreds of pesos just for something to eat. However, it became a habit
that was already hard for them to not do it, even with threat they will be
punished by their mom(For I was abroad as an OFW during their kiddy times). But their mother’s threat was only words they
obeyed at first but found out it was only a joke after testing her by
disobeying her order a few times.
Then, I came
home.
As father
who was “lost” for a hefty number of 10 years, I became soft to them for their
“childish” misbehaviors.
Nevertheless,
the time came, I had to threaten them with a whip – not once but a number of
times, because I saw their “habit” will become their own problem when they grow
up and be a fulltime part of the society.
So, I started to condition their mind, they will get it from me one day
if they do not straighten their ways. They obeyed, once, twice, then fall back to
same way until I felt they thought my words were a bluff.
It was hard, nonetheless,
as I was giving them the warnings, I was also preparing myself, especially, my
mind how to carry out the punishment, and for them to understand why. I am thankful, that remembering my own
father, his advice echoed to me: “When
you say a threat to your children, make sure the threat must be doable, and is
not overstated, so that you can execute it without hesitation, else, your words
will be toothless, and look like foolish to them!”
My first boy
was only 4 years old, and my third child was only one year and two months when
I left for overseas.
Though I
tried my best to communicate with them, they were not that interested to get in
touch with me. I called home every week, but there was not much talking done. I thought, maybe, they were not talkative.
How I envied
some of my friends whose children were so eager to talk with them, even if they
spent more than an hour talking on the phone.
I was very
excited when the internet became available. I spent a bulk of my salary just to
buy me a laptop so that we can talk and be able to see each other using the
webcam. But, to my dismay, the computer
games were more interesting to them than speaking to me. They cannot even spend five minutes talking
with me. After they said, “Hi” they just
disappeared from the monitor. When I asked their mother or their sister, they
told me they were in the other computers playing games.
Some of my
friends, told me it was okay, but, for me it was a signal I should go home and
be with my children. I have written
letters to them – telling them some words of advice or wisdom a father must
tell his children, but, I didn’t think it was enough, specially, when I saw
copies of their grades and their teachers’ remarks.
I was so
worried they will grow up without self-discipline and moral values I wanted
them to learn. They live in the city and
there is no way they can learn the importance of work, and education there,
especially with the passing of a stupid law against “child labor.” Children in the city are now treated like
innocent child till they are 18 years old;
no wonder they still act childish when they should be acting matured
responsible people. In the province,
they could work in the farm, and in the garden, and they learn to become
responsible citizens.
I grew up in
a farm. When I was six years old, my
father entrusted me to take care of our carabaos as my first responsibility.
As early as
four in the morning, I ride on our carabao’s back and bring it to the open
fields to graze grasses; knot its string, which is about 15 meters long, on a
piece of pointed wood driven to the earth.
I leave it there until the sun is up and starts to become blistering
hot, then take it near a river or of an irrigation and leave him there until
the sun is down and its heat is no longer burning. Then together with other children, we go take our carabaos and bring them to a
grassy area and let them graze on the healthy grasses. In the evening, when the sun is hidden behind
the mountains, we fetch our animals – ride on their back and guide them home. Not only that. I also helped during planting season to
distribute the rice seedlings to be planted.
Also, during harvest, we worked ‘til midnight whipping the stalks of
rice to a bridge of wood connected to each other to separate the dried seeds
from its stalks or we got up early at two in the morning to finish the work before the sun is up
and burn our skin.
My children
never experienced even a fraction of the works I had experienced. I don’t mean they have to go through the same
experiences but I want them to at least know that work is important and its
value.
Aside from
the work, I want them to learn about what is good behavior. I believe all things about a person’s attitude,
and character mold while still young. As
parent, I believe it all depends about me.
The things I teach them now will prepare them on how will they function
when they are older.
My belief is
this, “We, the parents, are the future of our children.” Because we are the ones who shape their
attitudes and characters which will define them when they are adults. We tell them what they have to do, back-up by
our own actions. Their environments also affect them but, still, it’s the
parents’ teachings come first before they gave in to outside influences.
My parents
were not the kind of parents I wanted if I was given the chance to select one. They were poor, and had nothing when they got
married. They grew up without their parents,
and they barely finished grade school. My
father was orphaned when he barely had memory, and my mother was raised by a
different family and was treated like a slave.
Nevertheless,
I owed a lot from them. I learned from
my mother the spiritual strength I used to fight the bad influences of my
environment. My mother was not religious
but she believes in God and believes in the teachings of the bible, and made
her efforts to transfer it to us-with my siblings . As a young child, I love reading
stories. And since the only books we got
are all about Jesus, and the bible, those are the things I read
repeatedly. I loved reading the book of
proverb and the book of Ecclesiastes. It
was there where I learned about controlling one’s anger; a thing that help me overcame the challenges
of people’s foolishness. I learned from
the bible how powerful our word is if only used effectively. I saw how my parents earned the respect of
the people in our community by choosing the right words to speak when somebody
was saying foolish things to them.
Because our parents had no adversaries, my father was always asked to
reconcile neighbors who made differences against each other – until he was
appointed as one of the peacemaker, not only in our neighborhood, but also
called up to different communities who had problems settling disputes in their
community.
These are
the simple things; I want my children to learn.
I want them
to be prepared physically, and most important, spiritually. They may not have wealth inherited from me,
however, I will do my best they will absorb what I learned from my own
experiences (Things I did not learn from school) to overcome the challenges of
life, and become victorious, and eventually become successful.
Thus, before
and after the punishment, I made them understand that what they were doing will
be implanted into their system, and will be carried by them to anywhere they go. I explained to them why there are many
corrupt people everywhere – government and private, because as children they
unknowingly learned a habit of not giving back loose coins, or small change
that it became a “mental” sickness because they believe it is alright to take
small things. But, the small things
became big things.
I told them,
that the punishment they got from me was to let them learn and be reminded that
those kinds of practices are not tolerated in a civilized society. Therefore, self-discipline starts now while
they are young, not when they are adults when their ingrained attitudes and
behaviors are no longer easy to change.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Hanggang Kailan Kabayan?
Hanggang kailan Kabayan?
Hanggang kailan ka magpapa-alipin sa ibang bayan?
Hanggang kailan mo titiisin ang insulto sa iyong kakayahan?
Na pagkatapos mong mag-aral sa unibersidad
Ikaw ay mangingibang bansa para maging alipin lamang!
Hanggang kailan kabayan?
Hanggang kailan mo titiisin na malayo ka sa mga mahal mo sa buhay?
Hanggang kailan ka hihintayin ng iyong mga anak?
Na sa katagalan, hindi na matandaan o maalala ang araw
na sila’y iyong yakapin at halikan
Habang ikaw ay luhaang nagpapaalam
para makipagsapalaran sa malayong lugar!
Hanggang kailan kabayan?
Hanggang kailan sarili mo ay dadamutan?
Dahil iyong iniisip na maraming nangangailangan,
At umaasa ng iyong ipapadalang dolyar!
Hanggang kailan mo rin maiiwasan
Ang maraming tukso sa iyong kapaligiran?
Na dahil sa pangungulila at problema
ay nagiging marupok kung minsan!
Hanggang kailan kabayan?
Hanggang kailan ka aalipinin ng iyong kahirapan?
Kahirapan na bunga ng kasakiman
Ng mga kapatid nating iniluklok sa upuan ng kapangyarihan!
Kahirapan- na bunga ng kawalanghiyaan
Ng mga kapatid nating salot sa bayan!
Kahirapan- na sanhi ng hindi natin pagkakaisa at pagtutulungan!
Ahhh…… Kabayan….
Napakabigat ng dinadala mong responsabilidad!
Hanggang kailan ka magsasakripisyo?
At kailan kaya ito magwawakas?
(This was published in different my blogs in the internet, but was all removed when the websites
upgraded due to competitions. This is now found in Definitely Filipino as my guest entry,
but I wanted to share it here for the others who would like to read about it.)
Hanggang kailan ka magpapa-alipin sa ibang bayan?
Hanggang kailan mo titiisin ang insulto sa iyong kakayahan?
Na pagkatapos mong mag-aral sa unibersidad
Ikaw ay mangingibang bansa para maging alipin lamang!
Hanggang kailan kabayan?
Hanggang kailan mo titiisin na malayo ka sa mga mahal mo sa buhay?
Hanggang kailan ka hihintayin ng iyong mga anak?
Na sa katagalan, hindi na matandaan o maalala ang araw
na sila’y iyong yakapin at halikan
Habang ikaw ay luhaang nagpapaalam
para makipagsapalaran sa malayong lugar!
Hanggang kailan kabayan?
Hanggang kailan sarili mo ay dadamutan?
Dahil iyong iniisip na maraming nangangailangan,
At umaasa ng iyong ipapadalang dolyar!
Hanggang kailan mo rin maiiwasan
Ang maraming tukso sa iyong kapaligiran?
Na dahil sa pangungulila at problema
ay nagiging marupok kung minsan!
Hanggang kailan kabayan?
Hanggang kailan ka aalipinin ng iyong kahirapan?
Kahirapan na bunga ng kasakiman
Ng mga kapatid nating iniluklok sa upuan ng kapangyarihan!
Kahirapan- na bunga ng kawalanghiyaan
Ng mga kapatid nating salot sa bayan!
Kahirapan- na sanhi ng hindi natin pagkakaisa at pagtutulungan!
Ahhh…… Kabayan….
Napakabigat ng dinadala mong responsabilidad!
Hanggang kailan ka magsasakripisyo?
At kailan kaya ito magwawakas?
(This was published in different my blogs in the internet, but was all removed when the websites
upgraded due to competitions. This is now found in Definitely Filipino as my guest entry,
but I wanted to share it here for the others who would like to read about it.)
Monday, September 19, 2011
X-OFW: The Reason Of My Coming Home (For Good)
Before I went abroad to
work as a caregiver, I had a plan of using the opportunity to be my
stepping-stone of going to another country, like, UK, U.S., Canada, or Italy
where I will have the chance of becoming a citizen and ensure that my life and
my family will become prosperous.
While I was there,
SOMEONE showed me the other way; I should go home and try to make a difference
that might influence the others to do the same.
Before becoming an X-OFW,
I have been in the dilemma of deciding whether I go home or jump off to another
country. Like the others, I went abroad to prepare for my children. However, things changed when I was there; all
of a sudden, I decided to go home against all the negative comments from my
friends and Kababayans who were telling me, “I will regret it!” “What will you do in the Philippines?” Nevertheless,
I did not listen. I believed my reason for going home is strong enough and it
is the right thing to do.
Few things influenced my
decision.
During my first few months
in Israel, I learned the thinking of my fellow OFWs. Of the 20 people I spoke with, there was only
one person who talked about going home for her family; all the rests were
talking on going to another country. But, what jolted me was many of them
had their parents worked or still working abroad!
What?
Is this mean there is an abroad syndrome – I mean – a cycle had been created
that children of OFW parents are sure to follow their parents' footsteps? Wow, that was not my dream when I went there. I went abroad thinking my children should not
be thinking about abroad; I want them to stay with their family, and when they
think of going overseas, it should be as tourists and not as someone like me
going there begging for work.
Another
thing was many of us OFWs were crying because we were treated like not humans. Because of this, some
were forced to forget the good moral values instilled by the parents by answering back - a no, no in the Filipino culture. Some of us just cry and let the tears wash off the pains in our hearts. For me I used my pen to jot down the pains
which resulted for my first song “Hinagpis sa Abroad” or “Care-givers’ Woes.”
More things forced me to
think on what I should do to not end up a “Yes sir, yes ma’m” the rest of my
life without seeing my children growing up.
That was the time I went to the book stores scheming books thinking I could
find the formula to solve my problem. There
I found Poor dad, Rich dad book by Robert Kiyosaki.
The
book influenced me to think differently in order to be with my family. I thought to myself, that if I would go to
another country, that means I have to sacrifice my family. I have to be like the others who watched
their children growing up in pictures. (Yup, the song growing up in Pictures by
the Alabama also made me think about how hard it was to be away from your
children) I did not follow exactly what the book advised about going into
business, but there were lessons the book talked about which made me to decide
to stop sacrificing too much just to get what I wanted in life.
Before finding the book of
Kiyosaki, I witnessed the family closeness of my employers.
During Sabbath, when I was
invited to the table of my employer, I envied the happiness they have every time
they were in front of their table eating together as a family. The father telling stories about their
cultures, and the lessons they could learn, and the children telling their
ideas and opinions. During those times, how I wished I could go home
immediately and do the same.
Another person who
influenced me to decide to go home was my best friend Izzy -the last person
whom the Lord made me to take care of for a few years to learn more about the
reality of life.
I saw the closeness of his
family: The real essence of having a family; the importance of being together;
the importance of a father being there with his children; they need him when
they are afraid, and they need him as their hero to emulate.
I had thought, “Should I leave my children to chance that
they will emulate Jose Rizal (My country’s national hero) or Robin Padilla of
the Philippine movies, or the bad boys (“Mandurukot -pickpockets, robbers, and
addicts) on the streets of my place, Baguio City?"
Izzy (as most people knew
him) told me how his parents mold them to become self-reliant and to work hard
while at the same time to be religious. Their parents started from nothing, and only
the good parenting they received was the only thing they inherited. With that, all of them ended up successful in
their endeavors. When he got married, he
was still a poor boy, and he told me how much he worked as a teacher, and then
switched to become a real estate broker.
He did not leave his family(wife and children)to become successful.
These things made me think, that it is not the money
that I am going to make will make my children become well off in life, but the
good parenting they will receive from me as their father.
I learned, that Jose
Rizal’s belief that the young ones are the future of a country will never be
true if the parents are not there to teach them how to become the future. In my opinion, “The parents are the
future of the country” because they
are the ones to teach the children all the knowledge and wisdom to become good
human beings and citizens of the country. The parents are the examples the
children have to imitate. The good
lessons they will learn from their parents will make them the future of the
country, but how will that be when parents are not there for them – physically?
When I got married, I
thought I would better my father - at least – as father to my children. I will do my best to teach my children the
things I did not learn from my father.
Because I knew that if only my father worked harder in doing his job as
a father to me, I might be somebody up there now, and who knows, the next
president of my country.
On the contrary, when the good
Lord given me the chance to do what I was thinking to do, where was I? Ten years went by like only ten Christmas days
in successions. My children are already in their teens, and in few years, I
will be a grandfather!
Wow, a grandfather! Without even knowing how it feels like a
father?
My children, too, will
grow up without even knowing how it felt having a father! Accordingly, will they know to become parents
when their time comes?
With all these things bothered
me, I decided to come home and become a real father as I wished.
While we need material
things, I believed it is not worth the sacrifices we do away from our family. No matter how much we do to try to communicate
with them (Thanks to the advancement of technology. We can see them now in the
internet and talk to them like we are next to each other – if we are lucky they
want to communicate with us – the games in FB are too much a competition)
still, the emotion and affection are not completely felt by both parents and
the child.
I saw how much these
Kababayans working very hard to earn dollars.
Day and night, days off, and holidays, they go find a part time just to
have more dollars to send to their beloved children, and extended families to
show they are good sisters or brothers to them – or else…!
I saw how much loneliness
is driving many Kababayans to become lost off the way, and how many families
were broken?
I saw how many died
without seeing their beloved ones because they believed they could overcome the
disease that took their energy.
I saw how many of them did
not go home to see their husband, child, father, or mother who died because of
fear they would lost their job, or for other reasons, and for “Practicality’s” sake.
I saw how many of us
stayed there for years, but life stayed the same. Okay, the house is no longer made up of cogon
and now looks like a palace, but where are the occupants? That’s the problem the house will never
become a home, because the families are not complete, and will never be.
Yeah, I saw them going to
churches, but seems, some churches are not filled up with the Lord’s Spirit
that is why many of their flocks are going astray; anyway, the LORD IS LOVE, so
they will be forgiven!
There is so much to
sacrifice Kabayan, yet, no one is doing something to stop the cycle; in the
contrary, it is being encouraged (by calling us the unsung heroes and super
maids) that we leave our family, never
mind the children, as long as we can send home more dollars.
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